I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
