I love black thongs
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
