think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i love accidental penises.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
