I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Randomize
