I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
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