A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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