This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
you win again, gameday.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
