I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
