this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
This girl is more easily done than said...
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
