I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
