tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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