That's when you crack a 10am beer
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
