He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
Randomize
