I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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