Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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