you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
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