I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My butt remains clenched, sir.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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