I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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