He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
