I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I think I sprained my soul last night
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
