My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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