thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
