based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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