Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Randomize
