K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
