My liver just broke up with me...
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
