I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I DEMAND FORESKIN
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
