I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
