I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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