Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
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