I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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