I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I can't put those talents on a resume
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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