When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
