Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Randomize
