What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
