i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
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