I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
He better not be in your backpack
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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