I can tuck mytits in my pants
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I came so hard my ears popped.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
