wakey wakey hands off snakey
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
