tell your sister to shave her snatch
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
