After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
