that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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