either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
