Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
