We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
