she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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