Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Randomize
