We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
is that a dick in a sweater?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
