i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
He better not be in your backpack
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
