The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
