I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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