Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
