When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
It's shark week go big or go home
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
