You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
