We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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